Sunday, January 27, 2013

The truth

Once upon a time,I lost my love to suicide.

On his way from this world, he made a point to stop by my window, 27 stories hoisted
He shook me by the shoulders telling me not to worry. He said that he was free, at peace;
He always wanted to be part of a world where artists could roam free, a streak of beauty whipping around the air,
Molecules reforming around his ghostly shape, transparency reflecting what I wanted to see.


I remember the first nights I spent alone, in my own house,
Room candles flickering, higher and higher, crackling like a campfire on my bedside.
Myra held me, feared the sounds I would interpret, disguises in the shadows.
His face
The night after, a Thursday, pulled me out of a 3 o'clock slumber
Edging for familiar
A voicetuggingatmyhair
"Jessica, where am I?"

"Justin, you died."
You ended it all
When you were alone
Eyes wide
Fingers determined
Rolling a checklist for suicide.
How'd you think I would understand it?
Love matched sequence of eternal bliss
Our fingers linked in matrimony, a kiss over my heart.
Unconditional
Souls who knew
"This is my partner."
We are the griffin, lion and eagle
I on ground
You in air

I guess it will be like that forever.




...........



I'm not sure how to cope, Justin.
Your name is in my head everyday
My heart proclaims our love
Loudly
To my new life;
One forged in grief.
A motion to nudge forward...but it still makes no sense to me.
How could a love, engaged, fathered, mothered, choose to leave the world?

Who promises anew
Only to disengage?
Tell me, I have a problem understanding.

Why forsake me to create a new Blanche Dubois?
Versatile in her story,
Cowardice in her body
Sex as a weapon, new grit covered in fancy lace.

I face this world without you
My 73 days to years, to moments
Lost.

"It starts with love." Yes
But it ends with suicide.

-Jessica M. Wilson



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