Once upon a time,I lost my love to suicide.
On his way from this world, he made a point to stop by my window, 27 stories hoisted
He shook me by the shoulders telling me not to worry. He said that he was free, at peace;
He always wanted to be part of a world where artists could roam free, a streak of beauty whipping around the air,
Molecules reforming around his ghostly shape, transparency reflecting what I wanted to see.
I remember the first nights I spent alone, in my own house,
Room candles flickering, higher and higher, crackling like a campfire on my bedside.
Myra held me, feared the sounds I would interpret, disguises in the shadows.
The night after, a Thursday, pulled me out of a 3 o'clock slumber
Edging for familiar
"Jessica, where am I?"
"Justin, you died."
You ended it all
When you were alone
Rolling a checklist for suicide.
How'd you think I would understand it?
Love matched sequence of eternal bliss
Our fingers linked in matrimony, a kiss over my heart.
Souls who knew
"This is my partner."
We are the griffin, lion and eagle
I on ground
You in air
I guess it will be like that forever.
I'm not sure how to cope, Justin.
Your name is in my head everyday
My heart proclaims our love
To my new life;
One forged in grief.
A motion to nudge forward...but it still makes no sense to me.
How could a love, engaged, fathered, mothered, choose to leave the world?
Who promises anew
Only to disengage?
Tell me, I have a problem understanding.
Why forsake me to create a new Blanche Dubois?
Versatile in her story,
Cowardice in her body
Sex as a weapon, new grit covered in fancy lace.
I face this world without you
My 73 days to years, to moments
"It starts with love." Yes
But it ends with suicide.
-Jessica M. Wilson