So the end of the year...coming soon, coming strong, and I am so eager to let it go. It brought tears, tearing across my skin, eyes wide - sockets blackened by the ashes above my head. A heart crashes into the ground, letting traffic roll over and over to squeeze out the blood. Unimaginable. Never - please never let this fever again hit. All the coaxers. All the hands on our bodies, his mother's and mine...and a little one silenced. Her fever unlifted. She is silenced by youth...will there ever be a call? A moment to hold hands and visit... Saddened in the dust. Here we are. Goodbye to this year, as I begin to face an anniversary of death, and move beyond the year he ended his life.