Skip to main content

The truth

Once upon a time,I lost my love to suicide.

On his way from this world, he made a point to stop by my window, 27 stories hoisted
He shook me by the shoulders telling me not to worry. He said that he was free, at peace;
He always wanted to be part of a world where artists could roam free, a streak of beauty whipping around the air,
Molecules reforming around his ghostly shape, transparency reflecting what I wanted to see.


I remember the first nights I spent alone, in my own house,
Room candles flickering, higher and higher, crackling like a campfire on my bedside.
Myra held me, feared the sounds I would interpret, disguises in the shadows.
His face
The night after, a Thursday, pulled me out of a 3 o'clock slumber
Edging for familiar
A voicetuggingatmyhair
"Jessica, where am I?"

"Justin, you died."
You ended it all
When you were alone
Eyes wide
Fingers determined
Rolling a checklist for suicide.
How'd you think I would understand it?
Love matched sequence of eternal bliss
Our fingers linked in matrimony, a kiss over my heart.
Unconditional
Souls who knew
"This is my partner."
We are the griffin, lion and eagle
I on ground
You in air

I guess it will be like that forever.




...........



I'm not sure how to cope, Justin.
Your name is in my head everyday
My heart proclaims our love
Loudly
To my new life;
One forged in grief.
A motion to nudge forward...but it still makes no sense to me.
How could a love, engaged, fathered, mothered, choose to leave the world?

Who promises anew
Only to disengage?
Tell me, I have a problem understanding.

Why forsake me to create a new Blanche Dubois?
Versatile in her story,
Cowardice in her body
Sex as a weapon, new grit covered in fancy lace.

I face this world without you
My 73 days to years, to moments
Lost.

"It starts with love." Yes
But it ends with suicide.

-Jessica M. Wilson



Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Thanks for your comment!

Popular posts from this blog

When everyone was quarantined, I felt like

  "When everyone was quarantined, I felt like..."           I was caged,  my cord cut,            the outside was in,       and I  wasn’t ready for that. I felt like I was out of time                 – no way to re-plan my life,  no way to be by anyone’s side. I like mapping the scene,     feel heat amongst a crowd,  and now, to stay away from them,  I have to hide. Close myself off  my nature,  to enjoy parties  dancing, all the things               feel more alive…  When that door shut, a hurricane hit. JMWC 9/22/20 from class, Panorama High School, 2020
2 comments
Read more

In Loving Memory of Anthony St. Jude Greene

My best friend died Sunday, July 24, 2011. Best and oldest friend...a brother and someone connected to my soul throughout life. It's not entirely real to me...we'd always talk, plan trips to see each other. This is going to be hard. He struggled a lot throughout his life; his weight problem, respiratory issues, sensitivity in general as he got older and heavier. It's a damn shame. He was a very strong man. Very strong! He'd fight off death for years. :) He'd joke about it a lot...saying that death is gonna have to fight harder because he's not giving up. His heart gave out, his body had enough trauma. He just had to let go, we have to acknowledge that he lived hard, fought well, died nobly. We'd joke about our heritage...we had much of the same mix of mutt in us, which was quite unique. He was also the son of many many vikings! Norsemen were tough, full of valor and grit, arghhhhhhh! Those medieval times men had nothing on Anthony Greene. :) Noth
2 comments
Read more

In Honor of Mother Earth

Happy Earth Month!  Right now, we see the blossoms opening, the vines ripening -- the sweet smell of Spring is here! Congratulations to everyone for making it out of the darkness, in this frigid air... the dew of the damp Earth has sprouted many blessings.  Rake up the gentle soil and bring her into your circle. Let the abundance flow into your circle; enjoy the fragrance of your harvest. I wanted to offer up this powerful song; Madre Tierra , by Maya Jupiter. Her message is steady and daring to be spoken into the ears of all who dwell on and know Mother Earth.  Speak righteously, and take care. ~ Jessica ~
Post a Comment
Read more