Sunday, January 27, 2013

The truth

Once upon a time,I lost my love to suicide.

On his way from this world, he made a point to stop by my window, 27 stories hoisted
He shook me by the shoulders telling me not to worry. He said that he was free, at peace;
He always wanted to be part of a world where artists could roam free, a streak of beauty whipping around the air,
Molecules reforming around his ghostly shape, transparency reflecting what I wanted to see.

I remember the first nights I spent alone, in my own house,
Room candles flickering, higher and higher, crackling like a campfire on my bedside.
Myra held me, feared the sounds I would interpret, disguises in the shadows.
His face
The night after, a Thursday, pulled me out of a 3 o'clock slumber
Edging for familiar
A voicetuggingatmyhair
"Jessica, where am I?"

"Justin, you died."
You ended it all
When you were alone
Eyes wide
Fingers determined
Rolling a checklist for suicide.
How'd you think I would understand it?
Love matched sequence of eternal bliss
Our fingers linked in matrimony, a kiss over my heart.
Souls who knew
"This is my partner."
We are the griffin, lion and eagle
I on ground
You in air

I guess it will be like that forever.


I'm not sure how to cope, Justin.
Your name is in my head everyday
My heart proclaims our love
To my new life;
One forged in grief.
A motion to nudge forward...but it still makes no sense to me.
How could a love, engaged, fathered, mothered, choose to leave the world?

Who promises anew
Only to disengage?
Tell me, I have a problem understanding.

Why forsake me to create a new Blanche Dubois?
Versatile in her story,
Cowardice in her body
Sex as a weapon, new grit covered in fancy lace.

I face this world without you
My 73 days to years, to moments

"It starts with love." Yes
But it ends with suicide.

-Jessica M. Wilson

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