Skip to main content

Sort of a Downer

It's birthday season again! 

Yay... 
(sarcasm)

Gosh, it has been a while since Covid19 made its debut... I think I was thinking it would be gone by now. Yes, the foolish fantasy that we could continue with our lives after 2 weeks of lockdown, but here is August.
It's nearly my birthday and I have been wrapping my head around just what I can do to celebrate.

Sure, you can say, go low key. Or, "why not be low key, Jessica. Why's it gotta be a big party?".
Well, to counter that I'd say, "F&*k off, it's my birthday bish!"
But really, I would probably say:

1. I just came out of 3 years of being "Mama", as in new momma, as in "where the hell did Jessica go", as in "when the hell is Jessica coming back?" as in "what do the kids need now?"

I haven't been out in a long time. Definitely not the way I used to go out. 

2. It's a milestone birthday! Let me rock my milestone and set it off!

That's what I dream of doing. 
That's what I have dreamed of doing. 
I am trying to be sensitive to everyone's needs.
Now I am starting to think maybe I should stop worrying about everyone and just have some fun.
Usually fun meant being with everybody. 

I miss everybody.  I've missed everybody.  Even pre-pandemic.
I was missing y'alls!
Well dang, so here I am about to turn 40 years old.
It's a big one!!
A special one...and well damn, I want to celebrate, 
I want to hook up, I want to see you, I want to be seen!
Yeah, it's Leo season, "and what?"

It's my day to allow people to enjoy the fact that I exist. It's my one day to relish in the smiles, the gifts, the friends, the fun, the hugs, the drinks, the love, the smiles, the love, the smiles and the love!

How can I brainwash myself to think otherwise?
How can I convince myself that my birthday is going to be enough?
To match up to the ultimate "Oh lawdy, I'm 40" birthday extravaganzzzzzzza!?

Hawooooh -- the old me would say.
Hawoooooooooooooooooh. (you gotta feel it)
Hawooooh.

Owch! So here is what I am thinking... to go with this sick fetish madness. 

Take a drive to Pyramid Lake (to start)
Have a karaoke goth themed birthday zoom
Enjoy a beach bonfire
Drive up the coast
Take a trip to Joshua Tree
(ask my friend if her cabin is free)?>> hmmm >> 
Laughlin, Ludlow, keep on driving...
but um, where do I stop?
How far can I get?
With my car, a rental? Is that safe? nahhh
damn.
Day trip to ummmm Santa Barbara?
I dunno.
I want to have fun. I want the milestone to matter and not just be swept under a doormat. 

Pues, here I am. 
My favorite places are closed, and have been closed. Covid19 just flew its way over to my 40th birthday. 
There are worse things...but damn, what is left to celebrate if not ourselves?!

What is good enough? What do I need?

Family time has been enough for these last 3 years... 
I want some let loose, let your hair wrap around yourself, good effin time.

Hmmm 

I'm burning up.
Got any suggestions?





Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Thanks for your comment!

Popular posts from this blog

Tangled in more Grapevines

Ways You Can Support 💜 Dear Friends, As I navigate some meaningful transitions this season, I’m reaching out with gratitude and humility. If you feel called to support, here are a few ways your kindness could truly help me and my little family right now: Help us get to León (August 14–21) so the kids and I can spend our birthday week together with loved ones. Contribute to our August rent — a little breathing room would mean a lot. Share resources or curriculum for advanced elementary studies — I’m homeschooling! Help me enroll in an advanced Spanish class. Support with vehicle tag renewal costs. Haircuts for the kiddos. New clothing for the little ones — they grow so fast! Help organizing and decluttering at home. Let me know if your address can be a reliable business address for LAPS correspondence. Let me know if you have a safe space to store a few treasured keepsakes from the kids’ (and my) childhood. Help us host a community birthday c...
Post a Comment
Read more

One Month Away!

In one month, I get to marry the most loving person I've ever met in my lifetime! Juan Adrian Cardenas, thank you for loving me.   Te amo! I have been in bliss ever since I've met him...and I can't believe how well I could ever get along with another human being. This is a wonderful gift, and I hope all of humanity gets the opportunity to experience this. Dreams come true. You must NEVER give up on yourself. You must also believe that you are WORTH every bit of happiness. You must cherish YOURSELF first before you find true love... True Love Never Diez... :) Love for yourself is really the primary thing...do what you love, be who you want to be... and your energy will exude into the ether...sending out pheromones, this is the attraction. Be yourself... you ARE the attraction. It's so possible, just never give up...that is my advice. Not sure if anyone asked, but I had to write this down. This is the path I've taken, which has led me to Juan. Led ...
1 comment
Read more

Getting Serious with Radomir Vojtech Luza

Los Angeles Poet Spotlight April 30, 2013 Getting Serious with Radomir Vojtech Luza Interviewed by  Jessica M. Wilson It is highly likely that Radomir Vojtech Luza and I live about 5 minutes away from each other. We frequent the same coffee shops, walk and drive up the same Lankershim Blvd., and have an incredible passion for poetry and the poetic. He is the recently named Poet Laureate of North Hollywood , and he's earned it. Having served and currently serving as President of the NoHo West Neighborhood Council , and a member of the Mid-Town NoHo Neighborhood Council , Radomir continues to contribute an honest and determined voice, representing his community. He's hosted NoHo’s longest running spoken word/open mic show, for 31 months, called UNBUCKLED: NoHo POETRY alongside his good friend and Poet, Mary Anneeta Mann . His honesty and compassion have served him well. I dared to pry and find out where all this came from...   JW: Thank you f...
Post a Comment
Read more